i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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