She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize