So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
