so explain again why im purple
no
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize