i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
