It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
