You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
