Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
