why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
