Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
