Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
