I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
