We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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