i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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