am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
