Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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