There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
