I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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