the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
