my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
