Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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