you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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