I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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