When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
