you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
