MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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