Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize