I am in a vortex of obligation.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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