i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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