Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
