OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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