I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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