So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize