I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
