Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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