if only i could text you this smell
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
