How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she peed on how many people?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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