before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
