im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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