is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
