Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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