I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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