I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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