My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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