there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
