you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
