No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
