it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
