when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
