I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
