im six kinds of drunk right now
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
