god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize