took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
