He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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