if you like me you must not know who I am
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
