his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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