Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I met the friendliest cop last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
