Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
