u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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