I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, beer. Big fan.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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