you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
