its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize