is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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