Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
