Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
