Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
