I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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