don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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