There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
