i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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