Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
