Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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