Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
